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[sticky post] Feb. 29th, 2020


So, I've decided to save links to all my stories on pinboard.  Everything is there now.

It's here, if you want to check it out.


ETA 2016: I'll only be using this to keep track of my comment_fic fills from now on.

I give blanket permission for podficcing and other things -- but let me know what's being done with my fics, and if you want to do anything with any of my original stuff, you have to ask me first. DO NOT repost any of my works anywhere, though links are fine.
So I retold(ish) the goose girl fairy tale over here and it was lots of fun. Anyone wanna give me another fairy tale and/or Greek myth to retell?
Anyone else ever get hit with the realization anytime you see a pregnant person that they’ve definitely had sex? Or it hits you when you’re looking at people wandering around somewhere that they’re all there because two people had sex at some point? That you actually exist because two people had sex?

(Obviously, there’s in-vitro and surrogates and stuff, but on the whole, most people are still born because two people had sex.)

It just weirds me out, I guess.

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poem

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February 21, 2017
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I expect to smell smoke everywhere I go.
(I still think I’ll wake up.)

Catalogue everything.
Who knew you could have this much shit?
What can be cleaned?
What's worth the effort?
What needs replacing that's irreplaceable?

(It's been too long—
I'm not asleep.)

There are some holes that can't be filled.
Some losses can never be made right.

Sometimes,
You can never go back to where you were.
Can never be who you were.

Sometimes,
You fight the fire and think you've won—
But it can't be put out with what you have.
Sometimes,
You never had the chance of winning.

Sometimes,
All you can do is stand outside and watch it burn.
You don't think it's a victory,
But everyone who loves you will.

(If you'd stayed,
You'd've died, too.
One day, you won't feel so guilty.
((I hope)))

I still expect to smell smoke.
I still think, sometimes, that I need to wake up.
Picking and choosing what to keep,
What to replace,
What to forget about.
So much was pulled out
But what mattered most died hiding in my room
While I stood outside and watched my home burn.

Sometimes,
You’ll never be who you were.
You’ll never become who you were becoming.
It doesn’t feel like victory
(yet)
But you’ll be someone new.
(Dying trying to find him wouldn’t be victory, either.)

(One day, you’ll believe it.)

book log

January 5 – 6, 2017: Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce

January 7 – 8, 2017: Wolf-Speaker by Tamora Pierce

January 9, 2017: Emperor Mage by Tamora Pierce

January 10, 2017: The Realm of the Gods by Tamora Pierce

January 11, 2017: The One You Feed by EM Hollaway

January 12, 2017: Alanna The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce

January 13, 2017: In the Hands of the Goddess and The Woman Who Rides Like a Man by Tamora Pierce

January 13 - 18, 2017: Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce

January 18 - 19, 2017: First Test by Tamora Pierce

January 19 - 20, 2017: Page by Tamora Pierce

January 20 - 21, 2017: Squire by Tamora Pierce

January 21 - 23, 2017: Lady Knight by Tamora Pierce

January 23 - 24, 2017: Trickster’s Choice by Tamora Pierce

January 25, 2017: Trickster’s Queen by Tamora Pierce

January 26 - 27, 2017: Tortall and Other Lands by Tamora Pierce

January 27, 2017: Ferocious Fluffity by Erica S. Perl & Henry Cole

January 30, 2017: Serpents and Werewolves: Stories of Shapeshifters from around the World by Lari Don; I Am the Book, poems selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins & illustrated by Yayo; Imagine a City by Elise Hurt; Jumping Off Library Shelves, poems selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins & illustrated by Jane Manning; Eyes of the Unicorn by Teresa Bateman; Forgive Me, I Meant To Do It by Gail Carson Levine; Dealing with Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

January 31, 2017: Searching for Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

February 1, 2017: Calling on Dragons & Talking to Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

February 1 - 2, 2017: Book of Enchantments by Patricia C. Wrede

February 2 - 3, 2017: Beauty by Robin McKinley

February 3, 2017: The Unicorn and the Moon by Tomie dePaula; Bang Bang I Hurt the Moon by Luis Amavisca & Esther G. Madrid; Bogo the Fox Who Wanted Everything by Susanna Isern & Sonja Wimmer; Also an Octopus by Maggie Tokuda-Hall & Benji Davies; The Bear Who Couldn’t Sleep by Caroline Nastro & Vanya Nastanlieva

February 4, 2017: Cloaked in Red by Vivian Vande Velde; The Tale of Tam Linn by Lari Don & Philip Longson; The Secret of the Kelpie by Lari Don & Philip Longson

February 4 - 6, 2017: Once Upon a Dream by Liz Braswell

February 6, 2017: Three Good Deeds by Vivian Vande Velde

February 6 - 7, 2017: Under My Hat Tales from the Cauldron edited by Jonathan Strahan

February 7 - 8, 2017: Mechanica by Betsy Cornwell

February 8, 2017: Poisoned Apples Poems for You My Dear by Christine Heppermann; Girls and Goddesses Stories of Heroines from around the World by Lari Don

February 8 - 11, 2017: The Lost Empire of Atlantis by Gavin Menzies

February 9, 2017: The Search for Lost Cities by Nicola Barber

February 10 -11 , 2017: Atlantis The Andes Solution by JM Allen

February 11, 2017: The Cod’s Tale by Mark Kurlansky; One Hundred Details from the National Gallery by Kenneth Clark; Troll’s Eye View edited by Ellen Datlow & Terri Windling

February 12, 2017: Beware the White Rabbit edited by Shannon Delaney & Judith Graves

February 13, 2017: Historical Animals by Julia Moberg; Cinderella A Grimm’s Fairy Tale by Ulrike Hasselhoff

February 13 - 14, 2017: The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale

February 14, 2017: Blood-sucking Man-eating Monsters by Kelly Regan Barnhill; The Turkey Girl by Penny Pollock & Ed Young; Beauty and the Beast by Mahlon F. Craft & Kinuko Y. Craft; The Rough-Face Girl by Rafe Martin & David Shannon

February 15, 2017: Rosa Bonheur Painter of Animals by Olive Price

February 15 – 16, 2017: Sweetblood by Pete Hautman

Februar 16 - 19, 2017: Dinosaurs How They Lived and Evolved by Darren Nash & Paul Barrett

February 17, 2017: Cinderella a Fairy Tale Adventure by Giada Francia

February 18, 2017: Beauty and the Beast by H. Chuku Lee & Pat Cummings; Previously by Allan Ahlberg & Bruce Ingman; Who Pushed Humpty Dumpty? By David Levinthal & John Nickle; Glass Slipper Gold Sandal a Worldwide Cinderella by Paul Fleischman & Julie Paschkis

February 19, 2017: Here There Be Monsters The Legendary Kraken and the Giant Squid by HP Newquist; Rad Women Worldwide by Kate Schatz

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book reviews

So, I'm doing book reviews for books on my book log, if there's any you're curious about.

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*sighs*

So, it’s always so awkward when a long montage of sex happens during a movie because I just honestly don’t care, but I can’t fast-forward or change the channel because I’m not the only one watching.

Or, I’m just in the room, reading a book, while the movie is playing and other people are watching. I still can’t fast-forward or change the channel.

It’s so damn awkward. What’s appealing about sex scenes? I’m entirely too aro and ace to understand.

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soot-stained

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Title: soot-stained
Written February 16, 2017


It aches
continually
My body
My heart
My soul
so tired
I trudge on

I wish it were over
but time alone heals
so they say
This too shall pass
so they say
Trudging,
I hold on

Dreaming
asleep or awake?
Yes
always yes
Minutes days weeks
Months are gone
but it feels like just yesterday—

Time heals
Hurt fades
Memory softens
Soon again my soul will sing—
everyone says

Hope is all I have now
Hope that they are right
and this too will pass
This will pass
Asleep or awake it all feels the same
but it will pass

I trudge
I crawl
I weep
—I hope

—I hope—

Trudging,
I hold on
—Hoping
I hold on

Tags:

book log

January 5 – 6, 2017: Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce

January 7 – 8, 2017: Wolf-Speaker by Tamora Pierce

January 9, 2017: Emperor Mage by Tamora Pierce

January 10, 2017: The Realm of the Gods by Tamora Pierce

January 11, 2017: The One You Feed by EM Hollaway

January 12, 2017: Alanna The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce

January 13, 2017: In the Hands of the Goddess and The Woman Who Rides Like a Man by Tamora Pierce

January 13 - 18, 2017: Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce

January 18 - 19, 2017: First Test by Tamora Pierce

January 19 - 20, 2017: Page by Tamora Pierce

January 20 - 21, 2017: Squire by Tamora Pierce

January 21 - 23, 2017: Lady Knight by Tamora Pierce

January 23 - 24, 2017: Trickster’s Choice by Tamora Pierce

January 25, 2017: Trickster’s Queen by Tamora Pierce

January 26 - 27, 2017: Tortall and Other Lands by Tamora Pierce

January 27, 2017: Ferocious Fluffity by Erica S. Perl & Henry Cole

January 30,2017: Serpents and Werewolves: Stories of Shapeshifters from around the World by Lari Don; I Am the Book, poems selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins & illustrated by Yayo; Imagine a City by Elise Hurt; Jumping Off Library Shelves, poems selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins & illustrated by Jane Manning; Eyes of the Unicorn by Teresa Bateman; Forgive Me, I Meant To Do It by Gail Carson Levine; Dealing with Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

January 31, 2017: Searching for Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

February 1, 2017: Calling on Dragons & Talking to Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

February 1 - 2, 2017: Book of Enchantments by Patricia C. Wrede

February 4, 2017: Cloaked in Red by Vivian Vande Velde; The Tale of Tam Linn by Lari Don & Philip Longson; The Secret of the Kelpie by Lari Don & Philip Longson

February 4 - 6, 2017: Once Upon a Dream by Liz Braswell

February 6, 2017: Three Good Deeds by Vivian Vande Velde

February 6 - 7, 2017: Under My Hat Tales from the Cauldron edited by Jonathan Strahan

February 7 - 8, 2017: Mechanica by Betsy Cornwell

February 8, 2017: Poisoned Apples Poems for You My Dear by Christine Heppermann; Girls and Goddesses Stories of Heroines from around the World by Lari Don

February 8 - 11, 2017: The Lost Empire of Atlantis by Gavin Menzies

February 9, 2017: The Search for Lost Cities by Nicola Barber

February 10 -11 , 2017: Atlantis The Andes Solution by JM Allen

February 11, 2017: The Cod’s Tale by Mark Kurlansky; One Hundred Details from the National Gallery by Kenneth Clark; Troll’s Eye View edited by Ellen Datlow & Terri Windling

February 12, 2017: Beware the White Rabbit edited by Shannon Delaney & Judith Graves

February 13, 2017: Historical Animals by Julia Moberg; Cinderella A Grimm’s Fairy Tale by Ulrike Hasselhoff

February 13 - 14, 2017: The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale

February 14, 2017: Blood-sucking Man-eating Monsters by Kelly Regan Barnhill; The Turkey Girl by Penny Pollock & Ed Young; Beauty and the Beast by Mahlon F. Craft & Kinuko Y. Craft; The Rough-Face Girl by Rafe Martin & David Shannon

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It's been a month. It feels like it's been forever but also that time hasn't passed at all.

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update

So, here and here.

The poster thing my little sister made me a couple years ago and the eldritch abomination my mom got me - 1 survived the fire. 1 didn't.

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book log

(bold = books never before read)

January 5 – 6, 2017: Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce

January 7 – 8, 2017: Wolf-Speaker by Tamora Pierce

January 9, 2017: Emperor Mage by Tamora Pierce

January 10, 2017: The Realm of the Gods by Tamora Pierce

January 11, 2017: The One You Feed by EM Hollaway

January 12, 2017: Alanna The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce

January 13, 2017: In the Hands of the Goddess and The Woman Who Rides Like a Man by Tamora Pierce

January 13 - 18, 2017: Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce

January 18 - 19, 2017: First Test by Tamora Pierce

January 19 - 20, 2017: Page by Tamora Pierce

January 20 - 21, 2017: Squire by Tamora Pierce

January 21 - 23, 2017: Lady Knight by Tamora Pierce

January 23 - 24, 2017: Trickster's Choice by Tamora Pierce

January 25, 2017: Trickster's Queen by Tamora Pierce

January 26 - 27, 2017: Tortall and Other Lands by Tamora Pierce

January 27, 2017: Ferocious Fluffity by Erica S. Perl & Henry Cole

January 30,2017: Serpents and Werewolves: Stories of Shapeshifters from around the World by Lari Don; I Am the Book, poems selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins & illustrated by Yayo; Imagine a City by Elise Hurt; Jumping Off Library Shelves, poems selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins & illustrated by Jane Manning; Eyes of the Unicorn by Teresa Bateman; Forgive Me, I Meant To Do It by Gail Carson Levine; Dealing with Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

January 31, 2017: Searching for Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

February 1, 2017: Calling on Dragons & Talking to Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede

February 1 - 2, 2017: Book of Enchantments by Patricia C. Wrede

February 4, 2017: Cloaked in Red by Vivian Vande Velde; The Tale of Tam Linn by Lari Don & Philip Longson;The Secret of the Kelpie by Lari Don & Philip Longson

February 4 - 6, 2017: Once Upon a Dream by Liz Braswell

Tags:

query

So, in 2015 I wrote a paper that included a section on literal vs metaphorical cannibalism as it relates to history, knowledge, and academia. I reread it today and now I want to turn that section into an article of some kind. That section is behind the cut below; does anyone out there want to take a gander and tell me if there's anything worth revising into an article?

Read moreCollapse )

update

So, I went to my doctor on Wednesday due to a daily pain in my left side that showed up about two weeks ago. I was given a new questionnaire to fill out that had four questions; I can't remember exactly what they were, but something like 'how often do you feel like doing nothing' and 'are you unhappy.'

The answers I provided led the nurse to asking me more questions, and I think the result would be obvious: I am, apparently, heavily depressed.

I was depressed before the fire, okay? But now I'm heavily depressed.

This has led me to being a subpar teacher, I think, and I feel guilty about that. Because I really think I'm giving it my all, but the all I have to give isn't as much as it used to be. I'm trying my best and my best isn't... what it was. In every regard, every part of my life.

Which is not helping my depression, obviously. I feel like I'm in the way and a burden and there's this horrible mess to clean up, and that I didn't do everything I should or could have to save Gus, and that everything would be easier if I wasn't here.

(Not that, as I've assured my shrink and my GP and my family, I'm going to hurt myself.)

I was feeling happy, prior to January 14. For the first time in awhile. Everything was going good. I felt lighter and hopeful.

And now everything is just this pit of nothing, and I somehow keep getting up in the morning and going to work and going to class, and I'm going to keep doing that, even while I have to sort through 20 years of my life that stinks of smoke, and even while I know I'm never going to hear my cat yowl for attention again, and even though I'm tired and angry and so fucking sad --

But I was happy. I can't imagine being happy again.

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call for recs

So, I’ve been reading more than anything lately. So far, it’s all been rereads of my favorites, as I’d planned to read through my entire bookcase to see if I still wanted all the books on it. I have quite a few library books that I haven’t read before, but I’ll take recs, if anyone has anything in particular they think I’d enjoy.

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Jan. 31st, 2017

Hypothetical agnostic question: if you pray for the death of someone who really, truly deserves it, will it still come back to bite you?
I literally do not have the energy to deal with the shitshow my country has become.

What the fuck is happening.

It is 20 goddamned fucking 17 and this is exactly how dystopias start.

There are so many reasons I feel like I'm in the midst of a nightmare, and if I am, I would really like to fucking wake up now.

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Just tried to call my senator and the mailbox is full.
So yesterday, I told my mom that I hate my brain because I keep finding new ways to guilty for not saving Gus.

She explained in detail how smoke inhalation works, that for a cat his size, with his bad lungs, it happened quickly.

I said, "So I was standing outside on the grass when he died."

Mom then gave me a list of worse outcomes for me, had I stayed to look:

1. Losing consciousness and being without air long enough to cause brain damage
2. Being trapped in a burn unit
3. Losing consciousness and dying

It doesn't really make me feel better, but I know it helps my family. They've told me often enough.

We also discussed how I can find closure, and we've decided to take a trip to the ocean in about a month, to release a biodegradable box or something, with the last picture I took of him and something I'll write between now and then. I feel slightly better, at least.

Also, I'm coughing more now, instead of less.

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king of the jungle
tigriswolf
questioning in order to create

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