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Account me Sam - SN 5.8, PGish, slash

Title: Account me Sam

Fandom: Supernatural/Paradise Lost

Disclaimer: not my characters; title paraphrased from Paradise Lost

Warnings: SPOILERS for 5.8; blasphemy

Pairings: um. Michael/Lucifer, implied Castiel/Dean, implied Dean/Sam, mentions of might-have-been Michael/Castiel and Lucifer/Castiel and a threesome thereof

Rating: PGish

Wordcount: 1000

Point of view: first



Do you know the secret, little brother? Do you want to?  It won't help at all.  It'd make you cry, if you could.  No, not tears of sorrow. Tears of relief, of joy.


Oh, don't look at me like that, Cas. You could have come with me.  Hell, you could've gone with him.  He asked, didn't he? I was there, remember.  We all were there.  On the edge, he held out his hand to Michael—and to you. He said, come with me. Michael looked away. You shook your head.


And he jumped.


You could’ve gone. But no.  You've always been Michael's little bitch-boy, and that hasn't changed a bit in the eons since Sammael changed his name and threw himself from the heavens to keep from being pushed. Michael first for you, and I remember how you looked at him before you knelt at the Son's feet.  It felt like betrayal.


We were the best, we four—Michael, Sammael, Gabriel, Azrael.  The first, the greatest, the Thunderer's weapons.  Only a step below the Son.  The only angels to ever see His face.


Hush, Castiel. Do you know how long I've waited to speak these words?  I was the messenger, the first to hear His glorious voice.  I delivered the Son to His human mother. I told those humans that their God had become a man.


And Samma—Lucifer.  Lucifer, our Adversary, who had been my brother.  Is still my brother. 


Azrael alone is in Heaven now.  He has not mounted the pale horse, taken up the scythe, begun to ride the world.


Soon, though.  Soon he will and all the earth shall perish. So it is written.


Dean and Sam.  You've revolved around Michael since Dad made you.  But Michael has always been Sammael's.  The two brightest.  The best.  Created moments after each other, as the Sword and the Star of Morning.


I knew them then and I know them now.  Better than you, Castiel.  You raised our brother from Perdition after he broke the first seal.  You released the other to break the final seal.  End of the road.  End of the world.  But I knew them at the beginning. We four, and then you, your kind—and then man.


And where the fuck is Dad, yeah?  Went out for cigarettes and just kept driving.  Sammael's gonna tear Heaven down to its foundations.  Azrael's waiting for orders that'll never come. Uriel went and got himself dead. Raphael's lost his mind in grief and confusion.  And Michael... Zachariah, that douche, is looking for him. 


And you wanna hear the secret?  C'mon, you know you do.  Don't give me that look, little brother. Castiel. You're lucky that I've always had a soft spot for you. You were so earnest, still are.  Waited till the last minute to finally choose Michael over Heaven, still that loyal little cherub I recall so well.


Okay, I'll tell you a different secret first.  I may not've been around much in the last few dozen centuries, but I've always had excellent ears.  You remember Abdiel, right?  That adorable cherub who heard Sammael's speech and ran to God? He's still around, you know.  Just changed his name.  Ascended a bit on the totem pole.


You do remember him?  He goes by Zachariah now. Power-mad and so fucking annoying.


Yeah.  Time sure does change a guy.


Fine, fine. I'll tell you now. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Tears of joy, if you could cry.


Zachariah is looking for Michael, even as you scour Creation for Our Father Who aren't in Heaven.  You may find God, I don't know. But Michael...


You've already found Michael, sweetheart.  He's not in Heaven.  He's not out in the cosmos.  He was in Hell, but he's not anymore.


You got him out and he renamed you. Humanized you.  Finally somehow convinced you to choose him over the God you've never seen.


Part of Sammael had been locked away behind sixty-six locks.  But none of Michael is missing.  Buried deep in a self-loathing soul that'll never think itself worthy of anything, yes.  But not missing.


And that's it.  The secret Zachariah will never guess.  Can't guess.  Abdiel might've, back when he was so in love with Our Creator.  But Zachariah won't see it.  Blind be blinded more and all that.


Close your mouth, Cas.  You'll catch flies.


Yeah... I'm thinking maybe it is time I came out of retirement.  Someone should go talk to that Star of Morning, maybe tell him the world isn't such a bad place to be.


Hmm. When Michael finally wakes up inside that boy of yours, what do you think he'll do?  Dean's already sold his soul because he couldn't handle life without Sammy.  And Sam—I don't know if you were watching then, but he lost himself inside rage and despair and desperation those six months I took Dean from him. And after Lilith's hounds, he couldn't function except to hunt her.


Samma—Lucifer doesn't know where Michael is, anymore than the rest do.  That was a bluff, kiddo, when Raphie said he'd bring Dean to Michael. Dean is Michael.  Always has been, from the moment John's little tadpole reached Mary's egg.


I don't. I can't. They were the best of us.  I still don't understand why Sammael's teenage rebellion led to all this.


But I am the messenger.  I was. So I'll take a message to Lucifer, see what of Sammy is in him still.  If anything.


And you, Castiel.  Cas. Stay with Michael. Guard Sam.


Don't worry.  We all love them. There's nothing wrong with that.


Yeah.  Tell Dean he's right, the stubborn fucker.


But remember, little brother—for Michael, after the Father and the Son, it was always Sammael. And now, there is no father and no son, just a brother he’s already died for. And Sammael loved Michael too much. 


Remember, that hasn’t changed.  I think… I believe Dean. They follow no rules but their own.  I’ll… play on their side.


( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 6th, 2009 05:30 am (UTC)
Poor little Castiel!
I really like your angel back story. I think Show is kind of going in that direction and your stories fit so well and make so much sense!

Thanks as always for sharing them!
Nov. 6th, 2009 02:50 pm (UTC)
Thanks as always for reading them!
Nov. 6th, 2009 05:47 am (UTC)

Nov. 6th, 2009 02:51 pm (UTC)
Nov. 6th, 2009 10:14 am (UTC)
Awesome episode reaction! :oD
Nov. 6th, 2009 02:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Nov. 7th, 2009 08:46 pm (UTC)
totally made of win! I can only hope show is halfway as creative as you.
Nov. 8th, 2009 10:01 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 8th, 2009 10:01 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Nov. 8th, 2009 08:13 pm (UTC)
What a wonderful coda. Love your Gabriel/Trickster voice!
Nov. 8th, 2009 09:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!

What is your text on that icon?
Nov. 9th, 2009 05:28 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. I do think it's interesting that the two youngest of the original Four Archangels, Raphael and Gabriel, are just like, 'We are tired of our family destroying each other and humanity destroying itself and just want it to stop.' I hope that gets explored more and we see Raphael again, I know we're going to see Gabriel.
The text is from I Can Has a Hotdog? website, it's the doggy version of I Can Has a Cheezburger?
Nov. 10th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)
No, I meant what it says.
Nov. 10th, 2009 01:59 am (UTC)
OHHH, hee.
It says, 'My ma says I'm beautiful!' but in dog.
Jan. 20th, 2010 03:53 pm (UTC)
Oh, now that is just fucking creepy!

Jan. 21st, 2010 02:03 am (UTC)
Thank you for reading.
Aug. 16th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
I kinda wish Sam and Dean really were the reincarnation of the Michael and Lucifer but then it wouldn't be that xhallenging. Great story. I love your Gabe voice.
Aug. 16th, 2010 03:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Aug. 31st, 2010 03:35 am (UTC)
Oh. Oh.

This is wonderful. Remarkable. Beautiful. I'm in awe. That was...wow.

Aug. 31st, 2010 06:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you so very much!
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )


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