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So, today I bought The Epic Love Story of Captain America and Winter Soldier on the way to work, got the okay from my advisor to take another extra semester for my Master's, informed my boss I'd like that extra semester, wrote possibly the saddest (autobiographical) poem I've ever written, posted the poem to LJ, deleted the poem, and then watched The Epic Love Story of Captain America and Winter Soldier after I got home from class.

(Most) Every Tuesday, I sit in with a class of adult literacy student as research for my thesis. Most of them are older than my dad; most of them have grandkids. This morning, for whatever reason, as the teacher talked about grandparents and grandkids, it just really hit me -- I don't have grandparents. I never really have. And, for whatever reason, I really wanted to write about that today, and it turned into a poem.

I can't talk about it with my little sister because she doesn't want to. I won't talk about it with my parents because -- well, it's their parents. And my closest (only) RL life friend had a very close relationship with her grandma, who died fairly recently.

*sigh* So I wrote a poem. I almost cried at work. I think it's the most personal thing I've written in a long time, which is why I deleted it.

I don't know what to do with the poem. I don't want to reread it just as much as I want to.

I guess... what I really want is grandparents. They seem cool.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
caffienekitty
Sep. 10th, 2014 05:21 am (UTC)
I won't go into detail much in an unlocked post, but grandparents haven't been a factor in my life much either, and what experiences I have had haven't been typically "grandparenty" so I sort of get where you're coming from.

In my opinion, keep the poem. I've got a few poems like that myself, some that other people have seen, some they haven't, but keep them. Set a little folder aside on your hard drive for them. Poems and stories like that are not just a record of how you felt or thought about something or someone, they are part of an ongoing process of how those thoughts and feelings change and integrate or develop as you go forward. There may be a point in future where you may want to re-read or even share what you wrote, and it's better to have kept it aside to give yourself the option than regret the lost opportunity.

Just an opinion.
tigriswolf
Sep. 11th, 2014 01:07 am (UTC)

Thank you! I will be keeping it.
digitalwave
Sep. 10th, 2014 05:30 am (UTC)
I never knew my grandfathers, they both died when I was a baby. I lost one grandmother in middle school, the other I was lucky enough to have until I was in my thirties. She was my mom's mom and I loved her dearly.

I'm so sorry that you never got to know yours, sweetie. I think that, as we grow older and they start to slip away from us, family becomes more and more important over time.

*hugs you hard*
tigriswolf
Sep. 11th, 2014 01:08 am (UTC)

I've never met my father's parents; my mom's mom died when I was two, her father when I was 11, and he was very ill most of that time.

Thank you so much!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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