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cut just like a knife - SN fic - PG13

Title: cut just like a knife
Fandom: “Supernatural”
Disclaimer: not my characters. just for fun. Title from Cyndi Thomson’s “What I Really Meant To Say.”
Warnings: spoilers for “Born Under A Bad Sign.” And I may have fudged the timeline a bit, sorry.
Pairings: technically, none
Rating: PG13
Wordcount: 1020
Point of view: third
Between one blink and the next, Sam’s body quits responding to him. He’s got the take-out bag of burgers in one hand, two bottles of water in the other, and he’s half a block from the motel room where Dean’s waiting. He goes to take another step and his foot doesn’t move. He tries to inhale and his respiratory system fails. He can hear a rushing sound, like a river—and then nothing but demented laughter.

Hello, Sammy, a sexless voice says. Miss me?

He can’t place it, has no idea who the speaker is. He tries to reply but nothing’s working, and then his hands drop the food and one of the bottles in the closest trash can and his feet are taking him away from the motel, away from Dean, and Sam realizes he’s been possessed.

Oh, fuck
, he thinks, and the demon laughs again.


By the time he’s out of the city limits, Sam’s figured out who the demon is. I thought we killed you, he hisses, watching his hands break into a car and hotwire it. It’s some old Bug, god-awful, something he’d never choose on his own. He’s surprised he even fits in it. For half a heartbeat, he thinks of Ava.

You thought wrong, Sammy
, Meg chortles. I’m stronger than that, stronger than you, way stronger than big brother.

hy are you back? he asks, striving in vain to make his body do anythingPart of the plan?

, she dismisses. Fuck the plan. I just want to punish you. And that bastard brother of yours.

Sam takes satisfaction in saying, We really pissed you off, huh? Beaten by two humans.

But Meg swats at him with something and suddenly he can’t see out of his eyes or feel anything on his skin, can’t smell or hear, but then her voice echoes around the black void he’s in, laughing, Nothing human about you, Sammy. And even less in him.

The next time Sam knows anything, he’s kicking the crap out of some guy he’s never seen before in his life. And then he’s holding a knife in one hand and the guy’s head in the other, and the blade tears through skin like it’s not even there, and Sam’s howling and howling, and Meg hisses, Get that blood off your hands, Sammy-boy.

And then nothing. 

When he’s aware again, it’s daylight and Meg is smoking. She lets him taste, and it’s bitter ashes on his tongue. He wants to choke, to gag, to claw into his skin and tissue, tear her out of him.

But nothing listens to him. He’s shrieking himself hoarse—if he fucking had a fucking voice—in some deep back corner of his mind and everything, every appendage, every particle of every tissue is ignoring him.

This is his body but she’s made it hers.

After he stops screaming, he realizes he can hear her prattling on to some girl with his voice—and the girl can’t be more than sixteen, if that, and Sam is horrified, but it’s distant—like he’s watching on TV, maybe.

, he begs in a whisper. Please, God, no.

God’s not here, Sam
, she laughs and kisses the girl’s neck with his lips, shoving him back into the darkness. He can’t see, can’t hear—but she lets him feel. She makes him feel everything.

And then he hears Dean’s voice and he screams for Dean to not come, begs every deity he can remember, but he knows Dean will find a way.

The two’a ya sent me back to Hell, Sam
, Meg explains. It kinda sucked. Dad was ripping out Dean’s heart for the offense—he’s never been very creative. But me? I’m thinking Dean will kill you, if I push him far enough. After all, he thinks I’m dead, right? And Johnny’s words are ringing loud in his ears.

She settles deeper into him, if that’s possible, and sighs. It’s never been this satisfying, felt this good. You have a strong body, Sam. I think I’ll keep it, after.

He snarls incoherently and tries to expel her with sheer will alone, and the bitch fucking laughs.

It’ll destroy him, Sammy. After he pulls that trigger, I’ll reveal it all. Can you imagine the light in his eyes dying—oh, it’ll be glorious.
 And she cackles.

Please, stop, he whispers. Please, do whatever you want to me, but let Dean go.

And she uses his voice to laugh, makes his voice say, “Dean’s mine, Sam.”

And she makes him remember that young, tiny, breakable girl.
He stays in the dark until she’s knocked Dean unconscious, but then he’s shoved to the front.

Look at him lying there, Sammy
, she murmurs. Isn’t he just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

Dread curls through him, dawning horror, and fear. In his whole life, he’s never felt so terrified. 

, he says. No. I won’t let you.

Her laughter is dark, and then she tells him, Maybe later.

And then she tosses him back into the void.

He’s awake the entire time Meg’s tormenting Jo. He stays silent, waiting for Meg to drop her defenses, but she never does.

And it isn’t until Meg is using every ounce of his size that Sam realizes he’s spent most of the last eight years trying to appear smaller.

Because Jo is tiny in his grip, fragile, and Meg is going to die if the last thing Sam ever does is kill her evil, demonic ass.

For one absolutely terrifying second, Sam thinks Meg might use his body to rape Jo. It’s sweet relief he feels when she doesn’t.

And then Dean’s there, and Meg shoves Sam away, locks him deep down in his mind, and no matter how hard he fights, how loud he screams, he can’t find the way out.

But then he hears a gunshot and a splash and Meg’s howl of triumph. And he sees the empty dock, and Meg’s laughing and cackling, and she says, This is so much better.

And Sam doesn’t even have the solace of closing his eyes.


( 37 comments — Leave a comment )
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(no subject) - dairwendan - Feb. 11th, 2007 04:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 11th, 2007 04:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading!

Feb. 11th, 2007 04:31 pm (UTC)
Intense, and very well-done.
Feb. 11th, 2007 04:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Feb. 11th, 2007 06:44 pm (UTC)
Wow, this was wonderful and heartbreaking! Great job!
Feb. 11th, 2007 08:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!
Feb. 11th, 2007 08:10 pm (UTC)

Awesome, as always. And heartbreaking.
Feb. 11th, 2007 08:22 pm (UTC)
*giggles* Thank you!
Feb. 11th, 2007 09:49 pm (UTC)
Good lord, this rang true. A "poor Sam" seems inadequate somehow, but it's all I have to give!

Thanks for filling in the gaps in the episode. Although not the ones in Sam's brain, which I'm sure were pretty damn NASTY...
Feb. 11th, 2007 10:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!
Feb. 11th, 2007 10:06 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I was wondering when someone would come out with something like this. I think my favorite parts were the back and forth conversations between Sam and Meg. I also like how you alluded to the violence that he did--i.e. with the nameless girl--without going into extreme detail and still making it darkly creepy nonetheless (Hm. Did that make sense? It was meant as a compliment.)

Not to nitpick, but this: "Get that blood of your hands, Sammy-boy." Is that supposed to be "off"?

Dark and wonderful job. :)
Feb. 11th, 2007 10:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you! As to the nitpick *facepalm* I can't believe I missed that.

There was a scene I wanted to put in here, where NotMegSam screws with Dean's head and NotMeg is just torturing Sam, you know? Kinda like I alluded to here, what with NotMeg talking about Dean, and the dread that curls through Sam--and now I really _really_ want to write an AU where that happens.

*deep breath* Okay. I'm done babbling now.

Again, thank you for reading!
(no subject) - pixel_0 - Feb. 11th, 2007 10:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tigriswolf - Feb. 11th, 2007 10:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pixel_0 - Feb. 11th, 2007 11:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tigriswolf - Feb. 11th, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pixel_0 - Feb. 11th, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tigriswolf - Feb. 12th, 2007 02:07 am (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 11th, 2007 11:28 pm (UTC)
You keep outdoing yourself
Feb. 12th, 2007 02:07 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Feb. 11th, 2007 11:57 pm (UTC)
Holy crap this is gorgeous! Thank you! I can feel the frustration, it's so strong and his lack of control. You did a kick ass job hun! Thanks so much!
Feb. 12th, 2007 02:08 am (UTC)
Thank _you_ for reading!
Feb. 12th, 2007 04:36 am (UTC)
Oh wow...you really get at how distressed and frustated and helpless Sam feels in his own body and that's a scary, scary thought.

And it isn’t until Meg is using every ounce of his size that Sam realizes he’s spent most of the last eight years trying to appear smaller.

That's an awesome observation.

I really like how you juxtapose (is that even the right word?) Meg's thoughts and Sam's thoughts, and the imagery of Sam trapped in the darkness.
Feb. 12th, 2007 06:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!

Lovely icon.
Feb. 12th, 2007 06:30 am (UTC)
You should know by now that I LOVE your gen fics:D

This was such an interesting take, I really enjoyed reading it.
Feb. 12th, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed writing it! Thank you for reading.
Feb. 12th, 2007 06:25 pm (UTC)
Intriguing! It’s interesting to ponder how much Sam was aware of while he was possessed, and I’m sure Meg did what you mentioned here, picked and chose certain moments she wanted him to see and then pushed him away during others. Poor Sam, an unwilling passenger in his own body.

Favorite lines:

Nothing human about you, Sammy. And even less in him.


And Sam doesn’t even have the solace of closing his eyes.

Oh, Sam.

Nicely done. :)
Feb. 12th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 13th, 2007 02:26 am (UTC)
Mar. 24th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC)
Wow, very intense, hon. I liked it. Thanks.
Mar. 24th, 2007 04:15 pm (UTC)
Thank _you_ for reading!
Mar. 24th, 2007 04:44 pm (UTC)
I loved the way you told this from Sam's POV. His frustration, anger, and fear bleeding through the piece was very powerful. It was like I was trapped there with him, feeling helpless. Wonderful missing scene.
Mar. 24th, 2007 04:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 27th, 2007 10:14 pm (UTC)
Thank _you_ for reading!
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( 37 comments — Leave a comment )


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