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So yesterday, I told my mom that I hate my brain because I keep finding new ways to guilty for not saving Gus.

She explained in detail how smoke inhalation works, that for a cat his size, with his bad lungs, it happened quickly.

I said, "So I was standing outside on the grass when he died."

Mom then gave me a list of worse outcomes for me, had I stayed to look:

1. Losing consciousness and being without air long enough to cause brain damage
2. Being trapped in a burn unit
3. Losing consciousness and dying

It doesn't really make me feel better, but I know it helps my family. They've told me often enough.

We also discussed how I can find closure, and we've decided to take a trip to the ocean in about a month, to release a biodegradable box or something, with the last picture I took of him and something I'll write between now and then. I feel slightly better, at least.

Also, I'm coughing more now, instead of less.

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( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
classics_lover
Jan. 23rd, 2017 09:37 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

Can I do anything to help?
tigriswolf
Jan. 24th, 2017 01:45 pm (UTC)

Not really. Unless you can go back in time. Or cross an ocean to take my classes for me. *shrugs*

I just don't care about anything at the moment.
classics_lover
Jan. 24th, 2017 07:24 pm (UTC)
If Mum wasn't stuck in hospital I would actually totally do that. *hugs*
cattraine
Jan. 24th, 2017 12:06 am (UTC)
Write a poem for Gus and put it in a bottle and toss it into the ocean.
tigriswolf
Jan. 24th, 2017 01:46 pm (UTC)

We're not gonna do a bottle because it'll be pollution, but I'll probably write a poem.
noybusiness
Jan. 24th, 2017 08:53 pm (UTC)
Time is the great healer. Oft-said, but true.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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tigriswolf
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